2017. When Words Fail Me.
Contrary to this publishing platform, words often fail me. Here I sit. Pool side on hot African summer night, it's the first evening of 2017, having just lived a typical Durban style day of slow living, I am considering what to write.
Naturally I am a very reflective soul, always eager for a bit of New Year - New Me nonsense - even in July... This year is different. I'm not sure why but I have been avoiding reflective thoughts like the plague and instead am fixed on the present. I am home in South Africa for 2 weeks and I am here as if my life in the UK doesn't exist. I have appreciated the most obscure things about being back home, like the dragonfly that flew over my head as I floated in the midday sun. That brief moment, was enough and so satisfying that thinking beyond it seemed unnecessary. Living in the 'present' isn't something I'm usually good at, so this is day 1's accomplishment, and that gives me great hope for 2017.
I began to write this post with no words in mind, aside from knowing I needed to write as a mark of the New Year. I started out with the thought that words are important to me and sharing this would be worthwhile. I make sense of life and it's ways in words, whether it be my own or someone else's. The lyrics I hear, the poems and books I read or the movie quotes I stumble upon. I tend to find small parts of myself in all these places. And despite giving words great value and power, they often fail me. I write better than I speak when it comes to matters of the heart. Whether it lists, Instagram captions or scribbles, a little bit of myself can be found in them all. The most overwhelming of words is when words actually aren't enough. When a moment or feeling cannot be locked in by descriptive words, or when saying nothing at all, says far more.
Beyond Paper Planes is about honest writing, sometimes it is simple, sometimes it is complex. How and when this happens is still a mystery to me. This post started simple and as words have been strung together, it's significance is found between lines and behind letters by simply being honest.
So as the first day of January 2017 ends, I remind myself to shake free from everything that 2016 was, knowing that doing this is necessary in order for me to take a hold of what 2017 has to offer. To be completely cleansed of whatever crippled me so that I can move not only beyond it, but far away from natural reoccurring patterns.
Tonight I remember that there is a life full of light and love waiting for all of us. In every uncertain moment, the next 365 days may bring, I remind myself of the true character of God. Remembering truth when doubt brings untrue thoughts and insecurity. Knowing that I am, as a child of God, called to do great things. Wherever I am today, whatever season I am planted in tomorrow and the space that I occupy throughout 2017, is going to be faced with my choice to bloom.
So, 2017, I am ready. Let's have a wild and messy, creative and very wordy, life-bringing, adventure-filled party of a year!